For many of us, work, marriage and parenting feel like little more than obligation.
You know how you’re supposed to feel about them, and you’ve gotten pretty good at pretending to feel that way. But the truth is, it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t add energy to your life—it robs you of it.
Think about your marriage. Think about your work. Think about your kids. How connected do you feel?
Do you feel like you’re really living in true connection with them? Do your relationships with them feel like they come from a place in your that’s deep, meaningful and genuine? Do they bring you life?
I’m willing to bet your answer is a big fat “no” — or at the very least, “kind of.”
Our families tend to be more about obligation—instead of connection. Our jobs tend to be about performance—not passion.
But there’s a solution to all this too. It’s not about fixing your job or even your marriage. It’s actually about connecting to the one common factor in all those structures:
To live the connected life, we have to be a connected person.
We must make a transition from a performance-based life where we get our value through what we do, to a connected life, where we first learn how to relate rightly with our self.
I explain more of what I’m talking about here, in one of my weekly community calls.
If you don’t have time to listen now, the key thing to understand is this: a connected person is someone who is not afraid to make a relationship with themselves. It’s the ones who know how to relate to themselves that create marriages, businesses and friendships worth keeping.
This applies to every area of life, but for today, I’m just going to focus on three: your business, your marriage, and your family.
When a leader of a business knows how to deal with themselves rightly, they learn a huge secret: the outside world is a manifestation of our inside world.
In other words, your business is a manifestation of you. Your family is a manifestation of you. Your marriage is a manifestation of you.
That’s a lot of energy to handle.
Some people get terrified of this amount of energy. They become manic producers. They start produce beyond what they can really handle. They start to bypass how they feel and how others feel to produce a result or just producing too much.
And then what happens is the whole team starts to feel like they’re over giving. They start to feel like their heart does not matter. All because the leader just didn’t feel like how he felt mattered.
The same thing happens in a marriage when a spouse doesn’t know how to relate rightly within themselves.
They use all their pent up energy to project their own pain and frustration onto their partner. They blame the person the married for their own wounds Blame is just unprocessed energy. Really its unprocessed pain that’s happening inside of you. You do not know how to process it, so you blame someone else.
Believe me, I know the feeling. In order to avoid dealing with what was going on inside of me, I used to project my pain onto my wife. I would blame her, thinking that she just needed to start getting her life together or thinking the way that I think, so that my life can feel better.
Instead of learning how to soothe myself, I would have to control and manipulate the world around me. How did that work for me?
About as good as it worked out for my wife.
For you that have kids, it’s even easier to project your pain.
Kids make great targets to blame for all the pain you’re refusing to deal with in your own life. You can just grab them up and discipline them right there in the moment rather than take the time to feel what’s going on on the inside of you. It’s way easier to project your pain onto your children then it is to sit there and feel how their actions are affecting you.
So what would happen when you take the time to feel how their actions are affecting you? If you took the time to process that rather than disciplining them out of fear and doubt rather than love and trust, what would happen?
First of all, you would feel connected. Secondly, you wouldn’t be projecting your pain onto them. You would be able to treat them like a human being.
All of that can come from connecting to yourself.
But when you don’t stay connected to yourself, you transfer disconnection onto your secondary structures.
Business. Friendship. Family. Marriages. Church. All of these structures can be built out of an inability to deal with what’s really going on inside of you—producing a culture of fear and doubt.
And guess what? How an entity is created is how an entity must be sustained. So if that business was created out of manic action and not wanting to feel, it’s going to have to be sustained by that reality by that too. You can’t create something out of fear and sustain it via connection.
And so what happens when you start to create out of self-connection breeding love and trust? Then it will be sustained by love and trust. That means there will be synergy within the business. There will be openness and passion within the marriage. There will be a deep bond of friendship. There will be a family that can just be together and talk about everything.
PS. If you haven’t joined the YOU(COMMUNITY), I’d highly recommend it. You’ll get access to our Monday community calls just like the one you listened to above. Learn more here: brandonhawk.com/products/you-coaching/