Why Your Wife Shouldn't Be Your Counselor or Life Coach

What To Do When You Become "That" Guy

I’ve been there. I found myself becoming “that guy”—the one who couldn’t make a decision without running it by his wife. It all came to a head one day when I was about to decide how much to pay my employees. I picked up my phone and started typing a message to my wife, asking for her input. Halfway through, I stopped. There was a knot in my stomach.

Why was I asking her?

I already knew the right decision. But instead of trusting myself, I was looking for her validation, almost like I was asking for permission. It felt wrong. Gross, even. I was avoiding the discomfort and tension of making a decision on my own.

For years, I had leaned on my wife for everything—guidance, advice, even reassurance in areas that should have been my domain. Her wisdom and influence were invaluable, but somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I had unintentionally turned her into my coach, my counselor, and in some ways, the captain of my ship.

The Cost of Misplaced Roles

Here’s what I learned: Making your wife the center of your world might sound noble, but it often hides a deeper issue. It’s the scared little boy inside, too afraid to take full responsibility for his life, leaning on his wife’s strength to fill the gap. Without realizing it, I had shifted the dynamics of our relationship—she had stepped into the masculine, and I had slipped into the feminine.

This imbalance created real problems:

• We lost our sexual polarity. The spark that had once brought us together began to fade.

• Trust between us eroded. She didn’t feel safe leaning on me when I was constantly leaning on her.

• I felt controlled and disconnected. Worse, I felt out of touch with my own power and purpose.

This wasn’t the life I wanted—not for myself, not for our marriage. I realized it was time to make some tough changes.

Reclaiming Leadership in My Life

Here’s how I turned things around:

1. I hired a coach. I needed someone who could guide me without complicating my marriage. This was a game-changer. Having an outside perspective kept my relationship with my wife clear and healthy.

2. I opened up to other men. I started sharing the struggles I had kept bottled up for too long. Those raw, honest conversations with my brothers helped me heal and see the bigger picture.

3. I joined a men’s group. This was where I found the strength and accountability I had been missing. These men understood my journey, and together, we challenged each other to grow.

By taking these steps, I didn’t just save my marriage; I transformed my entire life. I stopped hiding behind others and started taking ownership of my decisions and my path.

Taking Back Your Power

Maybe for you, it’s not your wife. Maybe it’s your parents, your boss, or someone else you’ve handed your power over to. Whoever it is, it’s time to take it back. Reclaiming your role as the leader in your life isn’t just about fixing your relationships—it’s about stepping into the person you’re meant to be.